From Woman's World 1/9/07: Marriage Makeover

Kim and Robby Karesh were headed toward a divorce. Then Kim discovered the whole new way of talking that's getting sparks flying for couples across the country!

I didn't think it could happen to us. But like so many couples, my husband, Robby, and I had grown apart.

When Robby and I said "I do,"we imagined a lifetime together. But three years later, we were talking less. Little frustrations turned into cold wars, chipping away at the closeness we once shared.

We tried counseling. But that wasn't enough. We're headed for divorce! I gulped. But when I told Robby I was thinking about leaving...

"I don't want to lose you," he choked.

"Me neither," I cried.

But that alone couldn't fix it. Then one day, I came across the book, Getting the Love You Want.

The theory? We all have needs we expect our partners to meet—and when they don't, we get angry, leading to disappointment, disillusionment, divorce. But by learning something called the Imago Method to make their needs clear without lashing out, couples across the country are saving their marriages.

"Let's try it," we agreed.

It was so easy!

At a weekend seminar, we learned to use phrases like "What's bothering me is ..." "I feel..." "I need..." No snapping or interrupting. Just straight talk.

To keep the lines of communication open we agreed to talk for a half-hour a week, following a simple "script."

First, we had to share good stuff. When Robby said, "I loved it when you took my hand at the mall," my heart melted.

Then, we raised "issues."

"I feel so lonely when you spend so much time playing computer games," I told Robby. And when I said it that way, instead of "All you care about is the computer!" he listened.

In no time, we'd worked out compromises that made both of us happy. And it was so easy! All we had to do is change the way we talked!

Nine months later, our marriage is stronger—and happier—than ever! And when I lie in Robby's arms, talking about our day or our dreams, I feel at home again. And that's definitely worth talking about!

—Kim Karesh, Franklin, TN